Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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