If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
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Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
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he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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