You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
