they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
