my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
