im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
