Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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