I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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