i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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