dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
