i just google imaged poop.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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