I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
