I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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