I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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