I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
