is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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