Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
