can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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