so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
