Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
