Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
