There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
