forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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