Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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