he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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