i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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