i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
