More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
