I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
