True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
