In the future we'll all be gay
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
