Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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