Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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