This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
