Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
organizing the empties. That sober.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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