Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
