Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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