How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
