then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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