He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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