this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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