There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
