Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
