Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
