I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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