I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
