Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
