"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
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He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
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This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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