Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
