I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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