Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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