You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
