she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
