I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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