**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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