It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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